Sorry I have not posted in awhile, I have been struggling to find a topic or inspiration.
Honestly, I don’t know what is going on with me lately. The boy all my posts are about has been throwing me curve balls for days. I am happy, I mean it is great. He has been trying to hangout with me more and not the other way around and he has just been awesome to be with. Yet, I still am afraid to really go for it I guess. Afraid of rejection (again) and afraid of him saying yes, and leaving. I guess I have just had too many people leave. Right when I begin to let myself care, open up, and trust them, they go. So, now I guess I just resist them more. Even shut down on them so I don’t get hurt. If you don’t let yourself care, then they can’t break your heart. Probably not the best philosophy, but I don’t have a better one. Love and be loved is a lie. You can’t love enough for two people. Not everyone will love you back. I guess I didn’t have writers block, really it is just writers denial. If I didn’t admit to my fears, then they weren’t really there. I am too afraid to lose again, to even let myself try. Reality is really hard to swallow sometimes. I prefer to go back to when it melted in my mouth like cotton candy.